My Dementia Caregiving Journey: Turning a Personal Experience Into Hope for Others

Caregiving for my mother through dementia has changed my life in ways I could never have imagined. What began as caring for my mom has become a journey filled with difficult decisions, emotional challenges, unexpected lessons, and a deeper understanding of what it means to love someone through profound change.

I never expected to find myself navigating the complexities of dementia, conservatorship, and the responsibilities that come with caring for a parent whose memory, communication, and independence are gradually slipping away. This journey has taught me that caregiving is about so much more than meeting someone's physical needs. It is also about preserving dignity, offering comfort, adapting to change, and learning to love someone through every stage of their journey.

Recently, I had the opportunity to participate in a lengthy interview with EnhDme for its Heart of the Home series. The resulting article, Living in Her World: A Dementia Caregiver’s Story, shares a part of my personal experience that I hope will resonate with other caregivers.

I am incredibly proud to have my story published, not because caregiving is easy or because I have all the answers, but because our experiences can help someone else feel less alone. Dementia can be isolating for the person living with it and for the family members who witness its progression. Sometimes, knowing that another person understands what you are going through can make a meaningful difference.

If sharing my journey helps even one caregiver feel seen, understood, or better prepared for the road ahead, then telling my story is worthwhile.

You can read my full interview here:

Living in Her World: A Dementia Caregiver’s Story | EnhDme

I share my story with the hope that it reaches others who are walking a similar path. We may not be able to change the course of dementia, but we can share what we learn, support one another, and remind each other that no caregiver should have to feel alone.

About EnhDme

EnhDme is a family-owned retailer specializing in durable medical equipment and home care supplies. The company offers products designed to help older adults, people with disabilities, and caregivers manage daily life with greater safety, comfort, dignity, and independence. Its offerings include mobility scooters, walkers, wheelchairs, bathroom safety equipment, and other home care essentials.

Beyond providing practical products, EnhDme uses its Heart of the Home series to share the personal stories of caregivers and families. By highlighting real-life experiences, the series helps raise awareness, encourage understanding, and remind caregivers that their journeys deserve to be heard.

I am grateful to EnhDme for taking the time to listen to my story and share it with others. Thank you for creating a space where caregivers can speak openly about their experiences and potentially make a difference in someone else's life.

Learn more about EnhDme and explore its home care products and resources at enhdme.com.

The Person Behind the Massage: Why Tipping Matters

I don't normally work Wednesdays, but here I am, picking up an extra shift to make up for the tiny paycheck I received after taking time off to care for my mother. My husband keeps telling me I don't have to work today, but watching my bank account shrink makes it difficult to relax. Unfortunately, bills don't care about family emergencies.

I've been a massage therapist for nearly 30 years, and there's something I wish more clients understood: the price of a massage isn't what the therapist earns.

My company charges $130 or more for a 50 minute massage, but I earn approximately $32 before taxes and deductions. The company collects the service fee while I'm the one doing the physical labor. My hands, wrists, shoulders, and back are the tools of my trade, and after nearly three decades, those tools aren't exactly brand new.

I've also reached my company's pay ceiling, meaning my years of experience no longer translate into higher base pay. If I want to earn more, I have to rely on commissions and tips. Even deep tissue work, which is considerably more demanding on my body, pays me only about $4 more.

And then there are cancellations. If a client reschedules and I can't fill the opening, I might spend an hour waiting for the next appointment while earning minimum wage. Being available for work doesn't always mean earning a decent paycheck.

I know tipping is optional. I'm not suggesting everyone should tip the same amount, and I respect that people have different budgets. But gratuities make a meaningful difference in a profession where the therapist's take home pay can be surprisingly small compared with the price of the service.

What wears on me isn't simply the money. It's providing physically demanding treatments day after day, sometimes going home in pain, while knowing that my experience and effort have a limited impact on my paycheck.

Today, I'm working on my usual day off because caregiving has taken me away from work, and the financial consequences don't stop when I return. One of my regulars does not tip but has a customized massage which includes deep tissue work.  My husband wants me to rest, but he's already working 16 hour days, 6 days a week to support our family. I struggle to let him carry more of the burden when I know how hard he's working, too.

I love what I do, but after nearly 30 years, I wish making a living didn't require pushing myself so hard just to feel financially secure.

I'm not asking for pity or suggesting that anyone owes me a tip. I'm asking for a little understanding. The person giving you a massage is a human being with bills, responsibilities, physical limits, and a life outside the treatment room.

So the next time you book a massage, remember that the person helping your muscles relax is using their own to do it. If tipping is within your budget, it can make a real difference.

Sometimes, the person helping everyone else feel better could use a little help themselves.

Why I Became a Minimalist

I am a minimalist. To me, that means I like to have as little stuff as possible.

I used to collect Hello Kitty, coins, emoji demons, stickers, interesting marbles, and all kinds of other little things. Looking back, a lot of it was simply a waste of money and time. Over the years, people have also given me gifts for holidays and special occasions, and much of it eventually became clutter.

Sometimes it was clothing I would wear once because I really only like wearing neutral colors: black, white, gray, and beige. It’s not that I live a boring life. I just don't want to own a lot of stuff.

The more stuff you have, the more there is to clean, wipe down, dust, organize, store, and eventually pack away. I don't buy nonessentials anymore. My favorite thing to buy is books, and even then, I don't keep every book I buy. I usually buy them used, read them, and then donate or sell them.

I learned to appreciate minimalism after moving half a dozen times in a relatively short period. The more you own, the more you have to pack when it's time to move. Personally, I like starting fresh when I move.

For years, I didn't even have a bed. My sister eventually insisted that I get one. I've been sleeping on a bed for about three years now, and I honestly don't like the way my body feels when I wake up. I also don't like having to make the bed every day. I used to sleep on the floor and simply roll up my bedding when I needed the space. My apartment was immaculate.

Now, living with my sister, who has about 25 years' worth of belongings, and having to share space has been a completely different experience. What might feel normal to someone else feels incredibly cluttered to me. So I do my best to keep my bedroom and bathroom as tidy and uncluttered as possible.

I've learned that chaos in the house can bring chaos to the mind. When I'm surrounded by piles of things, crowded surfaces, and objects that don't have a purpose, I feel it mentally. It becomes harder to relax, focus, and feel at peace. When my surroundings are clean and uncluttered, my mind feels calmer too.

That's really what minimalism means to me. It's not about having an empty house or owning as little as humanly possible. It's about creating an environment that doesn't constantly demand my attention.

Unfortunately, my husband is not a minimalist. 😂 But he is learning, and he has always been organized. He has OCD, and I have minimalist tendencies. Somehow, we actually work really well together!

If you feel overwhelmed by the amount of stuff in your home, you don't have to declutter everything at once. Start small. Removing even a few unnecessary things can create more physical space and, in turn, more mental space.

Chaos in the house can bring chaos to the mind. Here are 20 simple ways to start decluttering:

1. Clothes you never wear
   If you haven't worn it in a year, ask yourself why you're keeping it.

2. Clothes that don't feel like you
   If you already know you won't wear something because of the color, fabric, fit, or style, let it go.

3. Duplicate kitchen items
   You probably don't need six spatulas, three can openers, or four sets of measuring cups.

4. Expired food
   Go through your pantry, refrigerator, and freezer and get rid of anything expired or unlikely to be eaten.

5. Old toiletries
   Toss expired cosmetics, dried out products, nearly empty bottles, and things you bought but never liked.

6. Unused appliances
   If an appliance has been sitting untouched for years, ask yourself whether it's worth the space.

7. Decorations you don't love
   You don't have to keep something just because someone gave it to you.

8. Broken things
   If you've been saying "I'll fix it someday" for years, someday may have already passed.

9. Old paperwork
   Shred documents you no longer need and get rid of unnecessary receipts, manuals, and papers.

10. Random cords and chargers
    If you don't even know what something belongs to, you probably don't need it.

11. Free promotional items
    Mugs, tote bags, pens, keychains, and other freebies can quickly turn into clutter.

12. Unused hobby supplies
    If you abandoned the hobby years ago, you don't necessarily need to keep the supplies for your imaginary future self.

13. Sentimental items you don't actually like
    Something can hold a memory without needing to take up physical space forever.

14. Old electronics
    Phones, keyboards, cables, remotes, and outdated devices can take up a surprising amount of space.

15. Books you won't reread
    Keep the books you truly love and pass along the ones you know you'll never open again.

16. Excessive duplicates
    Pick your favorite and donate the rest.

17. "Someday" projects
    If you haven't started it after years of intending to, ask yourself whether you actually still want to do it.

18. Gifts you don't use
    You can appreciate the person who gave you something without keeping the object forever.

19. Cluttered surfaces
    Clear off countertops, nightstands, tables, and bathroom counters. Empty space can make a room feel dramatically calmer.

20. Things that create guilt or stress
    If an object makes you feel obligated, overwhelmed, or guilty every time you see it, ask yourself whether it deserves a place in your home.

Minimalism isn't about owning a specific number of things. It's about deciding what deserves your money, your space, your time, and your attention.

Less physical chaos can mean less mental chaos. Sometimes, clearing a little space around you is also a way of clearing a little space in your mind.

Bridging Eastern and Western Perspectives on Massage

 People have developed many different ways of understanding the body, health, and the effects of massage. Western healthcare encompasses a range of approaches, from conventional biomedical medicine focused on anatomy, physiology, and measurable processes to complementary and integrative practices that consider physical, psychological, and whole-person well-being.

Eastern medical traditions are equally diverse. Traditional Chinese Medicine, for example, describes health partly through the balance and movement of qi (or chi), often translated as “energy.” Other traditions, including Ayurveda and various Japanese and Korean healing practices, have developed their own concepts and approaches. These systems should not be treated as interchangeable, but they share an interest in balance, function, and the relationship between different aspects of the body.

The language and models used by these traditions are different. Western biomedical approaches tend to describe massage through mechanisms such as muscle relaxation, nervous-system responses, pain perception, and changes in circulation. Traditional Eastern approaches may describe similar experiences in terms of restoring balance or supporting the flow of qi. These descriptions are not necessarily scientific equivalents, but they can provide different ways of understanding the same subjective experience.

For example, someone receiving massage might experience warmth, tingling, reduced tension, greater ease of movement, or a sense of lightness. A Western physiological explanation might consider changes in muscle tone, sensory nerve activity, circulation, or relaxation. Within a traditional Chinese framework, the same experience might be described as improved movement of qi. The experience itself is real; the interpretation depends on the framework being used.

The lymphatic system offers another example of how physiological and traditional perspectives can be discussed side by side. From a biomedical perspective, lymph moves through the body through muscle activity, breathing, and pressure changes rather than through a central pump like the heart. Movement and certain forms of massage may assist lymphatic fluid movement. Traditional practices may interpret sensations of reduced heaviness or improved bodily flow through concepts of balance and circulation of qi. These are different explanatory frameworks rather than direct translations of one another.

Ultimately, neither Eastern nor Western traditions represent a single, uniform way of thinking. Both contain diverse schools of thought, evolving practices, and different interpretations of the body. Modern research can investigate measurable physiological effects of massage, while traditional systems offer their own historical frameworks for understanding health and bodily experience.

Approaching the subject with curiosity allows room for both perspectives while recognizing an important distinction: a traditional explanation does not automatically become a scientific explanation, and a physiological explanation does not necessarily capture every aspect of how a person experiences their body. Massage can be understood through multiple lenses, and people may find different frameworks meaningful while still distinguishing established evidence from traditional belief.

Gluteal Work

A good massage begins with communication.

If English is your second language, or if your massage therapist uses terminology that you do not understand, please let them know. Your therapist should be willing to explain what they mean and make sure you are comfortable with what is being discussed before proceeding.

You should never feel embarrassed about asking a question. In fact, asking questions is one of the best ways to make sure you have a positive massage experience.

If something does not feel right during your session, speak up while you are still in the treatment room. Your therapist cannot correct something they do not know is bothering you.

For example:

• The pressure is too light: Tell your therapist when you first notice that you would prefer more pressure.
• The pressure is too intense: Let your therapist know immediately. More pressure is not necessarily better.
• You are uncomfortable with gluteal work: Tell your therapist before or during the session. Your therapist can explain why the area may be relevant to your treatment and can work around it if you prefer.
• You do not want oil in your hair: Ask your therapist to cover your hair, skip the scalp, or work on your scalp with clean, oil-free hands.
• You do not understand the term “draping”: Draping refers to the sheet and/or blanket used to maintain your privacy and modesty during a massage. Proper draping is a standard part of professional massage practice.
• You do not understand the word “emollient”: An emollient is simply a product such as massage oil, lotion, cream, or gel that helps the therapist work smoothly over the skin.
• You do not feel comfortable with your therapist: You have the right to stop the session. A professional therapist will understand that sometimes a client and therapist simply are not a good fit.

Your comfort and sense of safety should always be taken seriously.

Why Might Your Therapist Work on Your Glutes?

This is particularly important if you are seeking massage for lower-back discomfort.

Many people are surprised when a massage therapist recommends working on the gluteal muscles. Some clients may initially wonder, “Why are you working there? My back is what hurts.”

The answer is that the body does not always hurt exactly where the source of muscular tension or restriction is located.

The gluteal muscles are large, powerful muscles that connect functionally with the pelvis, hips, and lower extremities. They also work closely with the muscles and connective tissues surrounding the lower back and pelvis.

For that reason, a therapist may determine that addressing the gluteal region is an appropriate part of a massage intended to address muscular tension associated with the lower back and hips.

The area near the upper portion of the gluteal muscles is also close to the sacroiliac (SI) region, where the sacrum and pelvis meet. A massage therapist may work with the surrounding muscles and soft tissues in this region when appropriate.

This does not mean that every person with lower-back pain needs gluteal massage. Your therapist should consider your individual circumstances, obtain your consent, and explain what they are doing.

You Are Always in Control

Gluteal massage is a legitimate component of professional massage therapy and is included in the training of massage therapists. However, professional does not mean that you have to agree to every technique.

If your therapist recommends gluteal work, it is perfectly reasonable to ask:

“Why are you working there?”

A good therapist should be able to explain the clinical or therapeutic reasoning in language you understand.

You can also say:

“I'm comfortable with that.”

Or:

“I'd rather you skip that area.”

Both are perfectly acceptable.

The purpose of explaining the connection between the lower back, pelvis, hips, and gluteal muscles is not to pressure anyone into receiving gluteal work. It is to help clients understand why a therapist may recommend addressing an area that does not initially seem connected to their complaint.

Sometimes, treating the area around the problem can be just as important as treating the area where you feel the discomfort.

Speak Up During Your Massage

Please do not wait until the massage is over to mention something that could have been corrected during the session.

If you want more pressure, less pressure, a different technique, another position, more draping, less oil, or for an area to be skipped, say something.

Your therapist's job is not to guess what you are thinking. Your job is not to silently tolerate something that makes you uncomfortable.

Massage therapy works best as a partnership between the client and therapist.

The goal is simple: you should leave feeling that your time, comfort, privacy, and individual needs were respected.